You don't even have to be a mother to enjoy this one...

Brian Hester invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's room mate, Stephanie, was. Mrs. Hester had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and Stephanie, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two react, Mrs. Hester started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Stephanie, than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Stephanie and I are just room mates."

About a week later, Stephanie came to Brian saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Brian said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her am e-mail just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mother: I'm not saying that you "did" take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you "did not" take the gravy ladle, but the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Brian

Several days later, Brian received a letter from his mother that read:

Dear Son: I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Stephanie, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with Stephanie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom

My blonde haired neighbor goes to the post office to buy stamps for Christmas.  She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"

The clerk says, "What denomination?"

The woman says, "God please help us.  Has it come to this?"  Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran, and 22 Baptists."

Subject: Differences in man and woman

NAMES: If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch,  they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

EATING  OUT: When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will  each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50 None of  them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get  their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY: A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't  need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS: A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott. The average number of  items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.  A man would  not be able to identify most of these items.

ARGUMENTS: A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS: Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE: A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS: A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE: A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the  plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL: Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow  deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING: A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

MY THOUGHT FOR THE  DAY: Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

AND FINALLY... A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As  they passed a barnyard of mules, jack asses, and pigs, the  husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep,"  the
wife replied, "in-laws."

THE YEAR'S BEST ACTUAL HEADLINES OF 2004

Crack Found on Governor's Daughter 
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says 
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers 
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? 
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over 
Miners Refuse to Work after Death 
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant 
War Dims Hope for Peace 
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide 
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges  
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks 
Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy 
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half 
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead